Will Laithwaite: Founder/Brewer
Will struggled at school and later University due to his inability to count, his saving was his unlikely skill for brewing from the start. Subsequently he made a reasonable go of starting a brewery and cooked up some half decent recipes for our award winning ales. OK he had some highly gifted staff to help him with this, but his benevolent nature forces him to carry the burden of glory all by himself.
His private life is a mystery, he is awkward with women, painfully shy on the phone and will sometimes disappear from the brewery for weeks on end.
He is the ‘Boss’ though and we will continue to treat him with reverence he deserves on a daily basis. Future plans will see a 4 x times life size Bronze statue of his good self, erected on the roundabout outside of the brewery entrance which all workers will have to salute as they arrive and leave.
Not to do so would result in more beatings. Please help.
Chris Ward: Head Brewer
Chris W began his career in brewing in New Zealand and following his creation of ‘Wards Wonderful Wobbly Water’ a 8.9% tour-de force for the tastebuds he was deported back to the old country for health reasons, as most of New Zealand’s brewers wanted him shot.
We found him wandering the old docks of Portsmouth with only a shilling in his pocket, cold damp hands and a pained expression. Being a practicing Philanthropist Will immediately asked him to join Loose Cannon as part of the Government funded ‘Foreign Lick-Spittle’ placement scheme.
He knows a lot of stuff about hops, malts, acids, alkalis, various chemicals and the like, much too much to bore you with here, he also needs a decent haircut and a belt to hold his trousers up. He only uses one vowel when speaking and this is pronounced ‘aeh’. He is NOT Australian.
Craig Buddle: Brewer
Craig Buddle or “Machakw” as the ancient and wise Native American Hopi tribe call him is the newest recruit to Loose Cannon from those lands beyond the horizon where the butter and lambs are plentiful. He prefers to say few words though when he does speak all who are within earshot are stunned by his presence of mind and depth of thought. His ideal weekend is spent sleeping in his car with the doors locked so no one can touch him and he often wears a tin foil hat to reflect his brainwaves back into his skull so that they can mature into the fine rounded “Buddle-bombs” of pure inspiration.
Chris Harrison: Sales Manager
Chris joined Loose Cannon as the Drayman, where with his keenly honed knowledge of the local roads and pubs would be put to good use, who can forget his numerous appearances on ‘Police, Camera, Action? Chris’s organisational ability and keen eye for detail soon saw him assisting with the brewing as demand blossomed.
In a further role change Chris took up the reins of Brewery Sales where his tenure has seen new sales records being set, with nominations outstanding for; ‘Sales Person of the Year’, ‘Person Most Women Want To Take Home (to unblock drains)’, ‘UK’s Greatest Tea Drinker’ and ‘Most Creative Use of the word ‘Futtock’ in Every Day Conversation’.
His star shines brightly in the sales firmament and all who know him count themselves blessed and lucky that they should be able to benefit from his presence in their lives. He also writes personal statements, which, naturally, he excels at.
Dave Hughes: Drayman (Distribution Dave)
When describing a work of art, mere words alone cannot express the emotional connection you feel when looking at the piece. The Mona Lisa for instance is only a fairly plain brunette sitting in a draughty window. Likewise Dave Hughes when viewed dispassionately is only a withered old man with a bladder problem. But get a little closer and the diamond in the rough will shine. This why we love him.
Dave has an immense set of stories about his past which he will tell you whenever he has the urge. Dave has lots of urges, on a daily basis.
Did you know?
- Dave built Didcot Power Station and once had to start the steam turbines with his bare hands because the boiler couldn’t cope.
- Dave is permanently wired into the AA traffic watch system and can provide you with updates on traffic problems for a reasonable monthly fee.
- Dave was the last man to legally wrestle a bear in the square in Abingdon.
- Dave invented mountain biking by removing the mudguards from his Pennyfarthing.
- Dave doesn’t believe Wallingford actually exists as a town in its own right, he believes it’s a bit of Henley which was washed downstream during a particularly bad winter.
- Dave stops counting after 10 because you can’t need more than 10 of anything.
- Dave believes he is Welsh, but has nothing to back up his claims.
- Dave was the first man to illegally wrestle a bear in the square in Abingdon.
- Dave makes the rules.
- Dave never fails.
That’s 10 Dave facts. You don’t need any more.
He is a living work of art.
Merit Hill: Sales
Merit Hill aka ‘The Estonian Gem’ or around the brewery ‘Where’s Merit?’
To para-phrase Father Ted – Merit is not small, she is only further away than you think when you first meet her. She is the voice and luckily for customers, the face of the brewery as she runs our busy and growing retail shop. Merit is currently on hire from the Estonian Government
JAmie Elbrow: Brewer
Jamie stands tall amongst men, is the most useful employee at Loose Cannon and has a torso covered in Tattoos which would make Popeye weep tears of joy. He believes in swift un-remorseful justice and vanquishes all his enemies with his own private martial arts skills which no one has ever managed to copy.
At weekends when the voices in his head get too loud he hides up trees and throws pine cones and dung at passing couples. He never eats, he never sleeps, he never stops working. He is a machine.
He also has a lovely family and is very good with animals. If you meet him. Don’t stare.
MAggie Yeadon: Accounts
A born sailor and former member of an all women’s trans-Atlantic yacht racing team Maggie has no fear of water. After being washed overboard during Hurricane Higgins Maggie spent most of 2010 bobbing about in a mid ocean swell cataloguing passing airliners on an old tea chest and providing tax return services to the occasional seagull. Well it pays to keep the old skills up. Eventually due the passage of the moon and the Earth’s rotation Maggie drifted up the Thames and found moorings in Abingdon.
Now a regular visitor to Abingdon – the most inland she has ever been – Maggie now claims to have encyclopaedic knowledge of all things MG and spends her weekends steaming up and down the Thames in her accurately detailed 1/72nd scale model of the Bismarck sinking pleasure cruisers and sending tourists down to Davy Jones’s locker.
Maggie dines regularly on tins of pilchards and likes to perch on park benches in a seagull suit every third Sunday for no apparent reason we can fathom.
She loves numbers and hates letters. The Postmen are scared of her
Veronika Klabouchova: Marketing
In life having a good strategy for the future is essential. The Greatest exponent of this philosophy was that Chinese clever-clogs Sun-Tzu born in 544 BC who ultimately knocked out some fine philosophical views and a surprising best seller – The Art of War – which detailed how to sort out tricky boundary issues with your neighbours in the most effectively violent way possible. Sun Tzu was hired by The King of Wu for his skills in this regard and the rest as they say is history.
Back to the present day and our own King of Woo – Will Laithwaite – saw the need for someone to join the company and strategize the online presence. He needed someone with finely honed skills in this and thinking laterally whizzed off the former eastern block where they used to knock out chess champions like a Millwall fan knocks out teeth. He travelled back with the lovely Veronika who it seems, in her home country is a renowned underground ‘Chess Wrestling’ champion going by the name of ‘Czech-Mate’. Veronika is on hand to keep the weekly email contact with the trade up to speed and Will under control when he’s had a few too many. Which is surprisingly more often than you would think and probably explains why he actually believes Chess Wrestling is a sport.
Dita Kolomejevova: Sales
Hot on the heels of Veronika Loose Cannon appointed another femme fatale from the East. Dita – (her surname wins 18 points in any game of scrabble) – has joined us to drive sales into new outlets. Since joining us it’s quite apparent though that her driving skills with road vehicles is far more free thinking and creative than would normally be deemed legal. This is surprising in some ways as Dita originally trained as Tank mechanic and has, you would assume, some appreciation of vehicle maintenance and longevity. Still we live in hope that the confusing array of pedals, knobs, wheels and switches will soon become easier to understand and the likelihood then that Dita’s cars will last longer than a week.
If you are reading this and you would like a visit from our roaming sales agent Dita – we are pleased to offer on the spot insurance policies and a fast claim service should you find her parked in your lounge or saloon bar.
Zoe Wake: Accounts
Zoe counts stuff. Like how many biscuits we are all eating, well me on the whole and that’s like, against my human rights or something.
With Maggie away on her scale model of the Bismarck, Zoe pops in to see that the financial wheels of the brewery keep turning. With a keen eye for the bottom line her ‘bottom-drawer’ collection of Boy Band Calendars keeps us all mildly uncomfortable and on our toes.
In her spare time Zoe spends hours creating fictional fan sites for the music industry greats such as ‘Brother Beyond’, ‘N-Sync’ and ‘Five’ and pesters the now retired singers for samples of their underwear.
Rob Orman: Sales
Tectonic plates are on the move constantly – some even manage to travel up to 100mm annually. The movement is imperceptible, but its there. Rob moves, I’ve seen it, some of our customers have seen it – it’s just done so damned quietly that it leads you to believe he’s either Special Forces or a Ninja – or a Special Ninja. We’ll leave it there.
Rob is in the shop on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays helping out Merit, well we think he’s in the shop, not sure unless he moves. Put it this way if a T-Rex turned up in the brewery – Rob would be the survivor. Apparently a T-Rex would hunt by prey movement. Rob would not be prey.
Eventually we will turn Rob into a lean mean selling machine – but right now as he learns the business its very interesting to use his shadow on sunny days to tell the time with alarming accuracy.
Loose Cannon Brewery started trading in July 2010. Will had been working toward this date from 2008 spending his time wisely developing beer recipes, the best equipment and methods to…
We opened our doors back in summer 2010 with only one beer, Abingdon Bridge. We wanted to make easy drinking yet tasty beer for everyone to enjoy. In a bid…